Forget peeping from behind your curtains, two-way walkie-talkies, and regular meetings at the church hall to discuss your response to those ‘youths’ hanging around with clear intent.

No one’s running from that shit. Instead you need to put the fear of God in them. You need a t-shirt that gently but firmly suggests even littering could result in their bodies being left in the Nevada Desert.

No nonsense. Awesome in appearance. The Neighbourhood Watch t-shirt works well with leather so grab your assless chaps, grow a handlebar moustache, and hang round on street corners with menace. You’ll be amazed what happens next.