Some potential partners want you to roll out the red carpet. They want to be treated as pure diamonds, wined and dined, before finally deciding if they’re going to put out and let you get your rocks off.

What an arse ache. You don’t want that. No, what you want is blind obedience and the sort of love that can survive whatever shit you throw at it. Trouble is, attracting that kind of devotion can be difficult – especially if you’re not a cult leader.

Until now that is. With this magnificent Stockholm Syndrome t-shirt you can boldly tell the world where you stand. A Droogies Original that separates the wheat from the chaff – and by wheat we mean those who like getting handcuffed to a radiator in your basement.

But you knew that…